Cell Block Tango: Pride & Prejudice
by Aquarius Princess
Summary: Charlotte, Mary, Jane, Hill, Lydia, and Elizabeth tell their stories about why they did it. I do not own "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago. Warnings: Language, sexual themes, and multiple character death.


_^^ One of my guilty pleasure songs..._

And now ladies and gentlemen, the lovely ladies of Meryton will be performing their rendition of the Cell Block Tango.

"…Click…" whispered Charlotte Collins as she peered out from her cell.

"…Six…" croaked Mary Bennet as she grabbed the ends of her hair.

"…Squish…" whispered Jane Bingley as she pushed her self against the bars.

"…No…" the young Hill said, desperately as she held on to the bars.

"…London…" Lydia Wickham said, darkly, as she stared into nothingness and gave a puff of her cigarette

"…Darcy…" Elizabeth Darcy whispered, coldly, as she stared at the ground.

"Click…"

"Six…"

"Squish…"

"No…"

"London…"

"Darcy…"

They repeated these words quickly as the music became faster.

"Click!"

"Six!"

"Squish!"

"No!"

"London!"

"Darcy!"

They slipped out of their cells and they said.

"He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it"

"I bet that you would have done the same!" Lydia said, as she, Mary, Jane, Hill and Elizabeth stepped back.

"Click!"

"Six!"

"Squish!"

"No!"

"London!"

"Darcy!"

Charlotte stepped forward and told her story, "Do you know how people have annoying habits? Like my husband, William…When he spoke, he had a lisp. No, it was a click. Click, click, click. That annoying tongue made a popping noise in his mouth. So, I came home. I had a bad day; all I wanted was some peace and quiet. And there is William, sitting at the table, playing chess against himself, and he greeted me. He clicked. And so I said to him, "if you make that clicking noise one more time…" And he did. So I took his hunting rifle off the wall and fired two warning shots…Into his head."

She stepped back as they all said.

"He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there  
If you'd have heard it  
I bet that you would  
Have done the same!"

Mary came forward and told her story, "I went to visit my relatives in Brighton and there I met an intellectual. He was American. Exotic, handsome, single, smart. Everyone thing I could ask for. We became friendly and I would stay with him almost every night. I would fix him his drinks and we would talk and debate. But then I found out…He said he was single. Single, my ass. He was married to six other women in six different countries around the world. America, China, India, Russia, France, and Nigeria. So, I come over and fix him his drink…Some men can not hold their arsenic."

She stepped back.

"Click!"

"Six!"

"Squish!"

"No!"

"London!"

"Darcy!"

They said, looking at each other.

" Hah! He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He took a flower  
In its prime  
And then he used it  
And he abused it  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!"

Jane stepped out and told her story, "I was at home, sewing with the new long needles my sister sent me. I was minding my own business when Charles came in, screaming in a rage. "You've been sleeping with the stable boy," he says. "I wasn't," I said back. He was crazy. "You've been sleeping with the stable boy," He screamed at me. And then he ran into my needle. He ran into it ten times…Squish…"

The women repeated their mantra as Jane stepped back.

"If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I bet that you would have done the same!"

Hill then stepped out and said, pleadingly, "I don't know why I'm here. They say that I conspired with my employer, Mr. Bennet, to kill his wife. To cut off her head. I would never do such a thing. He is lying, I told them. I told the police officers this but they did not believe me."

Mary looked at her and asked, "So, you didn't do it?"

Hill shook her head, "No! Not guilty!"

"They had it coming…" The women whispered as Hill stepped back and Lydia came forward.

She told her story, "My husband George and I were vacationing in London with my sister, Kitty. She and I were best of friends and it had been so long since we had been together. So, I offer to go out to get drinks while George showed back to the house we were renting. I come back and I find them no where in sight. I go upstairs to my bedroom and found them. Kitty was helping George find ways to break his wedding vows. I was in a state of shock and I blacked out. I cannot remember a thing. It was when I was washing the blood off my hands that I found out that they were dead."

She stepped back and the women started once more.

"They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming all along  
I didn't do it  
But if I'd done it  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He took a flower  
In its prime  
And then he used it  
And he abused it  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!"

Elizabeth then stepped up and told the last story, "I loved Darcy more than you can imagine. He was strong, bold, smart. We loved each other despite our differences. But he was always trying to find himself. He went out everything night trying to find him. And along the way, he found Caroline, Anne, Maria, and…Fitzwilliam…You could say that our differences got the better of us. He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead."

Elizabeth stepped back and they said, coldly,

"The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

They had it coming  
They had it coming  
They had it coming all along

All along  
'Cause if they used us  
'Cause if they used us

And they abused us  
And they abused us

How could you tell us

That we were wrong?

He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had  
Himself  
To blame.  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I bet that  
You would  
Have done  
The same!"

Charlotte stepped back into her cell, "Make that clicking noise one more time…"

Mary went back into her cell, "Single my ass…"

Jane smirked as she sat back down, "Ten times…"

Hill looked at everyone as she went back, "Not guilty."

Lydia narrowed her eyes as she went back, "Broke his vows…"

Elizabeth finished off, "Differences…"

"Click…"

"Six…"

"Squish…"

"No…"

"London…"

"Darcy…"

_Please review..._


End file.
